I had this dream of an abducted and murdered girl, 8 months before Anjelica went missing.  I recorded it, as I often do with my dreams.  The link to listen is below.  I stumbled upon it over a year after Anjelica died.I wasn't sure if the missing child was one of my girls.  There was drama before she was abducted.  Police and everybody were searching for her.  I was frantic.  I kept coming close t...  Read More

I feel good where I'm at.  Far away from everybody.  That's me.  I can't keep blaming everyone.  I choose this path.  I tried counseling and therapy and groups and meetings and volunteering and helping and everything in between.  But I feel peace just praying to God.  That's the only way to peace and healing.   I want to go home.  This life wasn't made for people like me.  My home isn't here.  It'...  Read More

Have I told you about this kid?First child I ever had.Some say since she wasn't my blood, I wasn't her dad.So who was?Biology wasn't nowhere aroundHe left town.In fact he left the country.It was my pleasure to raise this baby girl up into a young lady.Why was everything so hard when it came to their mom?I'm good enough to raise her 50/50 as a single father for 5 years, but I'm not good enough to b...  Read More

A news reporter asked me -"So how would it have made a difference if the Family Courts granted you custody?"Seems obvious to me.  People don't get it.I was a good dad.  Dads protect.  They see their children and their needs.She would have talked to me about things.  I could have helped.It undermined my authority and my children's respect in me.The slug wouldn't have felt so much control over AJ.Sh...  Read More

The bad guy wins....  Read More

9.22.19Most 'Christians' would tell you that Anjelica is lost forever because she didn't do some religious rituals to proclaim her faith in the creator.  This can't be right.  Anjelica was a teenager, susceptible to what other people put into her mind, especially those close to her, but she loved the creator.  Everybody, including me, struggle with faith in God.  Anjelica was taught right from wro...  Read More

I really just don't care.  Better this way.  ...  Read More

So sick of being shit on.  So sick of feeling I am the worst father.  The worst human.  Why can't I get a little bit of justice.  Put me in a cell with him.  Let me seek my own justice.  I'm sick of waiting like a weakling.  ...  Read More

I've been doing pretty good lately.  Squashing all the sad stuff, even the anger.  But squashing everything really.  If I feel happiness then it will connect to the sad very soon.  If I feel contact with someone, it will connect to emptiness.  Tonight I finally slowed down enough, breathed deep and took a little walk to the water.  The night was perfect.  The air was still and just right.  Not hum...  Read More

5.22.19Real justice isn't just putting Wesley Hadsell in jail.  It's shining a big bright light on ALL the thugs that enabled him to be in my children's lives.  Family court erased me.  The 'mom' lied to Anjelica and whispered evil to her, telling her I didn't want to adopt her and I wasn't her biological father.  She had threatened to take Anjelica away even before we separated, because she knew ...  Read More