I feel good where I'm at.  Far away from everybody.  That's me.  I can't keep blaming everyone.  I choose this path.  I tried counseling and therapy and groups and meetings and volunteering and helping and everything in between.  But I feel peace just praying to God.  That's the only way to peace and healing.   I want to go home.  This life wasn't made for people like me.  My home isn't here.  It's somewhere beyond.  I've never felt so alone.  But it's actually ok.  You just gotta take it easy inside your mind.  God will do justice better than anyone else could.  

Have I told you about this kid?
First child I ever had.
Some say since she wasn't my blood, I wasn't her dad.
So who was?
Biology wasn't nowhere around
He left town.
In fact he left the country.
It was my pleasure to raise this baby girl up into a young lady.

Why was everything so hard when it came to their mom?
I'm good enough to raise her 50/50 as a single father for 5 years, but I'm not good enough to be her official dad??  And somehow the slug that you pulled from prison is?

It was one thing to let that man into my children's lives, but it was a whole other thing to give Anjelica to him and then let him adopt her just 2 years after meeting her.

I tried to protect my girls.

This was wrong.  I was Anjelica's dad.  I was the one who raised her, making all the decisions about her life, being there every step of the way, giving her my name, supporting her in every way that I could.  I dedicated my life to my children...

I still can't figure it out.

The adoption was a crime.  Literally.  It was fraudulent, both by all sense of moral decency and by the letter of the law.  Virginia Code Annotated 63.2.1217 - a Class 6 Felony.

This injustice will be set right.  One way or the other.

A news reporter asked me -"So how would it have made a difference if the Family Courts granted you custody?"
Seems obvious to me.  People don't get it.
I was a good dad.  Dads protect.  They see their children and their needs.
She would have talked to me about things.  I could have helped.
It undermined my authority and my children's respect in me.
The slug wouldn't have felt so much control over AJ.
She never would have been adopted or considered his.
She was manipulated and led astray by her mother.  I could have offset that a little.
I was her dad.
It would have made a difference.
Evil.  There is a spiritual force looking to separate children from parents.
It would have made a difference.
I don't understand how people question that.

The bad guy wins.

9.22.19

Most 'Christians' would tell you that Anjelica is lost forever because she didn't do some religious rituals to proclaim her faith in the creator.  This can't be right.  Anjelica was a teenager, susceptible to what other people put into her mind, especially those close to her, but she loved God.
 
Everybody, including me, struggles with faith in God.  My daughters were taught right from wrong and that there is a creator that loves us and sent His only created child to suffer and die for the sins of the human beings of the world.  The evidence supports this, so I taught them this and took them to church to learn it.

But people say that if you slip or fall into the devil's schemes that you are doomed to hell.  B.S.  That doesn't even make sense.  This world is so confusing.  Religions are poisoning people.  Families are being destroyed.  Lies are prevailing.  Yet our creator expects us to be perfect always?  

What if your good to go for all of your days but you backslide and then you lose your life?  Going to hell?  No way.  

I have seen enough to know these religious concepts are generalized to help us relate to our creator, but there is no way my God is going to torment a child (young lady) for eternity because she was manipulated by godless people or because she didn't do her daily prayers or go to church on Sundays.  And I have no idea - maybe she was closer to God than ever.

What I really don't understand is why I had dreams about something bad happening to her and why I knew she was in a bad place and I prayed for her constantly and I was trying to live right and love God and I was even trying to make a mends with her - but this nastiness happened still.  What's worse is wondering how that affects her sisters and others who knew I was a Christian and tried and I was hurt so bad from her being away from me.  They obviously lost their faith in me, but what about their faith in God?

There's nobody that can make sense of this.  I have been in deep talks with many Christians and they don't have answers.

I think the bible and God's spirit gives us answers thought.

The death of the body is not the final act (John 11:25-26).  It is not a victory for Satan (1 Corinthians 15:51-58).  It is only a scare tactic that he uses by enticing people to lead destructive lives and to murder others or even themselves (2 Corinthians 11:3).  Solomon said that the day of death is better than the day of birth (Ecclesiastes 7).  Although this might have been somewhat facetious, it still holds true that our suffering ends with our last breath (1 Corinthians 15:42-44).  Also, future suffering does not occur.

I have to believe that either God does not listen to my prayers or that Anjelica's death was within the realm of protecting her as I had asked.  Maybe there was something worse that was to come.  Something that would corrupt her heart and mind.  Maybe she had lived her days out.  I believe we all have an appointed time.  Maybe she was brought into this world to show people certain things, which was the best way to serve God's will.  

ALL human life is valuable and meaningful and precious to the creator (Matthew 6:26), even when they turn against God over and over and operate outside his protection.  How much more then would an innocent child, who was betrayed by those closest to her, be to our loving creator?  That is the God I know and serve.  I do not know why all of this has happened.  I know it is not the will of God that any should perish (2 Peter 3:9), though we do often suffer because of the sin of the world including our own sin, and our God uses this suffering to humble us to Him, but man was originally created for peace and happiness - not suffering.  We have created that ourselves.

Our creator is the continuous giver of love.  We only need open our heart to the ever flowing stream of love and health and wisdom and victory.

I really just don't care.  Better this way.  

So sick of being shit on.  So sick of feeling I am the worst father.  The worst human.  Why can't I get a little bit of justice.  Put me in a cell with him.  Let me seek my own justice.  I'm sick of waiting like a weakling.  

I've been doing pretty good lately.  Squashing all the sad stuff, even the anger.  But squashing everything really.  If I feel happiness then it will connect to the sad very soon.  If I feel contact with someone, it will connect to emptiness.  Tonight I finally slowed down enough, breathed deep and took a little walk to the water.  The night was perfect.  The air was still and just right.  Not humid, not warm, not cool, just very inviting.  The moon hung low, topping the horizon like a Christmas ornament.  The animals were busy doing their night work.  The people were asleep.  Peace.  And then I came to edge of the swamp and the reality set in.  The memory of searching.  The memory of late nights wandering aimlessly, wondering if I could find a clue to what happened or some meaning to all of this.  Nothing.  No clues.  No meaning.  Searching shouldn't be such a stained memory, right?  Just looking.  Just wondering.  Perfectly normal.  Just another day.  Another night.  But there was no eating.  There were screams to God.  There were tears and pleading with the empty air, begging.  There was regret and fear in each of those steps.  What could I have done differently?  What could I find?  Sleeping was hollow.  Dreams were vivid and more alive than the emptiness of life.  Those days scarred me.  Because even though it seemed unreal because we didn't know yet what had happened, once we found out, reality was warped.  This should never have happened.  Am I typing these letters or are my fingers sucking each letter up off the screen and erasing all there is?  Reality is twisted.  She is alive and I am dead.  My children are happy and life is moving right along as it should.  How can a man come into my life and destroy all I have built?  A man with no integrity and no value.  He is not real and yet his mark upon my life is real and forever.  How can he touch my forever?  Who allowed this worthless slug in?

I used to walk to the water's edge and know that just over the water were my daughters, doing ok, despite the tragedy, they were great - just across the water.  It made me forget the scars that the water gave me.  But now, it's just me and the swamp.  No more silver lining.  No more daughters.  They disappeared, almost like their sister.  How could my creator who I have worshipped so earnestly, allow this to happen?  Is this all to forge me into some strong material, able to withstand great battle?  That mission is a failure as I am hardened, and surely could destroy an enemy, but my heart is hollow.  My threshold for pain is high, and I can take many of the enemies blows, and keep my focus, but my love is a distant memory.  What good is strength?  What good is victory - if I am to share it alone?  I have been forged into a machine.  One that recognizes it's humanity and the emptiness of that and is then its disabled temporarily, but soon back working again and ready to do some foreign bidding that will someday soon take the rest of my life.....

This should not have happened.  I insist that it DID NOT happen.  Anjelica is away, but coming back.  She was lost but is found - healthy.  Making much of this life.  I see it when I close my eyes to sleep.  What is that world there?  Just as I fall to sleep, I see something desperate and alive but sometimes shreaking, sometimes loud.  Always scary....... 

5.22.19
Real justice isn't just putting Wesley Hadsell in jail.  It's shining a big bright light on ALL the thugs that enabled him to be in my children's lives.  Family court.  Probation.  Criminal justice system.  My children's mother.  All of her friends and family.  Everyone loved him.  Makes me sick thinking about it.  I need to get this crap out of my head.

It's coming.  The day before my birthday, first degree murder charges were filed.  The slow beginning of the end.  It's been such a long road.  Truth is needed, so that everyone can heal, and see things for what they really are.

I went for a drive this weekend.  To the house where he buried Anjelica's body.  It brought back all the memories of searching.  Dark memories.  Ugly.  Especially the day we found out.  I stood there, across from the house watching.  As they took her away, I broke.  Was a tough day.  The last day I saw my dad too.  Oh how life has changed...

Tuesday I went to Southampton to see the court proceedings.  Just appointment of counsel, but I had to be there.  Just in case.  I was on time, but they began early.  Just in time to see his ugly mug looking my way as I opened the door to peak in.  He says he is innocent.  He is always innocent.  Of everything.  He does it, but he's innocent.  Convenient.  For him.  But I see through his lies, and this time, so does everybody else.  You're going down bud.  And your lies with you.

3.9.18  I have met so many people.. overwhelmed.  Was entirely alone, now interesting people coming out of the woodwork.  Being prepared for something?  Pay attention, let the spirit flow and amazing things happen.  If our selfish desires get in the way, then we stifle the spirit..

For instance, a disheveled young man asked me for money in front of the Home Depot.  I saw he was in distress, looking like he recently cried, and instead of shrugging him off, or even giving him some change and walking away, I struck up a conversation.  He needed $12 so he and his son could get a hotel.  But more interesting was that he had gotten custody of his son right around the time he kicked a heroin habit, from Judge Joe Massey, the same judge that sentenced Anjelica to death.  In that moment, I learned yet ANOTHER example of how horrible that 'judge's' judgement was.  Couple that with other people I've spoken to, including Sandy (a male) from Sherwin Williams.  Judge Massey disrespectfully told him he needed to learn to crawl before he could run.  I found that offensive as the young man had a good job, and had good character, but maybe old Joe didn't like the guy's personality or skin color and made his outdated judgments on the young man, which is bad enough, but also turned him into an every other weekend dad with a massive child support payment.  He ended up moving out of state.  And that's what happens because what good is it to see your kid every other weekend?  It's better to find a better job and seek other avenues, because you aren't doing much as a dad, especially if your child's mother tries to keep you away from your child.  It angers me so much, because these people in positions of authority are SUPPOSED to know better, and are SUPPOSED to do what is best for a child.  OVER AND OVER, they FAIL.  And it has been destroying the fabric of this country, for decades.  Such a deep sad feeling.  Both because I was that kid without a dad, and I am a dad without his kids.  And also because I know so many people in the same position.  It breaks my heart.

Anyway, so much has happened.  Today I found out I am just about cleared to be a volunteer with National Center of Missing and Exploited Children.  I'm nervous about that because I will be counseling families with missing children.  I'm still traumatized.  It still takes my breath away and makes me weep, sometimes uncontrollably, if I sit and think about stuff.  So many heart aches.  Not just one.  As many interesting people as I've met, I still don't have those closest to me in my life.  That is a lonely place.

My neighbor, Miss Jean, formerly Mrs. Shepherd, fell down and was stuck for an hour before she reached me on the phone.  Poor lady.  She had a horrendous experience at the hospital.  Talk about traumatizing.  I feel very bad for her.  She is a special lady, because she tries so hard to stay positive, but with that comes sadness too, because she has a sensitive heart.  And those kind of people are what make this world worth living in.

I don't know if I wrote about it last time, but I went to a 'meet n greet' where there were local politicians.  One in particular - Jay Jones - has parents who were/are Family Court judges and I thought he would be receptive to my ideas.  Instead he is  concerned with the fact that I pointed out, as the newspaper did, that he spent over 4x as much money on his campaign as the next guy.  Over $100k to get a job that pays less than $20k/yr.  Had to have a lot to do with mom and dad's money and their clout, that got him where he is.  But he's too proud to understand that and would rather defend himself than save children.  Oh well, he was told.  That's all I can do.  Tell them the truth and then wipe the dust off my feet as I leave them.  I did make contact with several other people, including the local Libertarian Party.  I told them about the issues we have with Family Courts.  They didn't know.  Unfortunate.  I spoke to a lady's assistant who is running for Congress.  So it's good to get the bug in people's ear about how dysfunctional our family courts are.

I am very pleased to report that Judge Joe Massey is no longer a judge.  I put in several detailed formal complaints to the court and to the Judicial Inquiry Reform Board and made MANY people very aware of his inadequacies concerning Anjelica.  I believe that's why he was demoted from Chief Judge and ultimately not a judge.  I imagine it's hard to fire a judge since he must first wrap up his cases and instead of creating a big stir, it's better to shoo him away quietly.  Sometimes you have to let them play it their way.  If it was up to me, he'd be in jail. 

All of these 'accomplishments' are very much because I have been granted strength by God above.  You have to understand how broken down I have become.  It makes NO sense that I would be able to make these kinds of strides, including having some male and female friends, or acquaintances - potential friends.  Although Caleb and Parshandatha have been there a long time.  They have been been exceptionally kind and thoughtful.  I even thought for a minute Shan and I would become romantic, but we have been friends too long.  She was here for me during my surgery last March 2.  I was very down.  She gave me hope.  That is God.  Just like the Jehovah's Witnesses being so spiritually helpful and generous.  Although I now see that I don't agree with some of their teachings, I still appreciate them and have learned a lot.

I spoke in depth to Cathy Terkanian, who, as a young mother, was duped into giving up her baby girl, who was later murdered by the adoptive father.  She was adopted out of Norfolk, VA and the case is unsolved.  So heart breaking, because when a case grows old, people care less and she works so hard.

I've spoken with so many parents, in depth about their situations, filled with tragedy and triumph, but always God is present.  Amazing really.  Monica Giglio, Charles Stecker, Marshall Allen, Micheal Lazarin, Kristie Sharp Saylor, Robert Slaven, Brandon Madrid, Kimberly Johnson, Steven Ball, Brenda Bryant, Francesca Amato-Banfield, and so many more.  These Facebook friends are more than invisible internet friends.  They are warriors, scarred from battle, and I am honored to call them my church.  

"It is those that stumble that will be like David, and the House of David like God, the angel of Jehovah going before them..." - Zechariah 12:9

At the end of the day, I still often feel the looming sense of despair...

The push is for me to lie down in disgrace and weakness in utter despair in the loss of a most precious child...

I have wept and do still.  I have lied down helpless and hopeless, not able to breathe, knowing that she, who I was made to protect, has no more breath in her.  Her breath was taken under a cloud of lies and betrayal and selfishness.  But I have no right to be weak, while I am seeking justice for my daughter, for ALL THREE of my daughters.

My heart is her heart.  My voice is her voice.  Of course I am still here getting in the way, but the driving force is that spirit that I know Anjelica to have.  Her heart accomplished more in her short life than I ever will in my long years of toil, but I will work to do what her heart would have me do.

Because of the injustice done to Anjelica, Delegate Christopher Stolle and his compassionate assistant, Cindy DiFranco have written a bill titled "ADOPTION BY STEPPARENT.  BACKGROUND CHECK."  This requires a national background check for potential step-parents adopting children, which gives the judge something to decided whether to order further investigation.  I might have hoped for a MANDATORY home study to gain perspective of the real dynamics of the family, if only for the record, whether or not it would impede adoption.  I am still very proud to know Anjelica's passing has inspired some change.  As of today, the bill, HB 227, has passed the Health, Welfare, and Institutions subcommittee 10-0 (1.16.18), and the House passed it 21-0 today!  One step toward justice.  And only possible because of Anjelica's courageous and contagious heart.

Another step for me personally, and hopefully to help someone, somewhere is that I have submitted my paperwork to be a counselor at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.  I am not cut out for this work, because of my insecurities, but underneath I have a yearning heart to help these people during this confusing and traumatic time of their lives.  Anjelica would push through, without recognition of insecurity, though many she may have.

The time is drawing near for the criminal justice system to do its part in fulfilling justice4anjelica.  I can almost taste the freedom from the anger of how she has been hurt, and how her sisters have thus been hurt, and I can testify that I also have been hurt.  On the other side, will be peace in knowing that I loved Anjelica with all of my heart and so badly wished the very best for her, and tried so hard to protect her, yet though I failed.  I will still have some peace in the memories, but never true peace knowing that I am still living and she rests without the joy of being a sister, and whatever else this world had in store for her.  I pray her place is better than the strife of the living and long to see her once again...

12.10.17  - I've been studying the law and the government structure.  Learning so much.  Many of the changes I wanted to make ALREADY are in place, but are not effective.  There is ALREADY a Judicial Council, but it obviously has no clue how to run family court.  There is ALREADY a law for judges to follow regarding people with Family Abuse history living with children, but the judges make up their own law as they go.  There is ALREADY a venue for accountability - JIRC, but that is akin to a toilet drain, as is complaining to the BAR or to the Chief Judge of the Family Court.
What's left?
Well I have heard that the move to require background checks of step-parent adoption is being considered to be a bill.  That is good news.  But only a start.
We need to make Guardian ad Litems more EDUCATED, QUALIFIED, and ACCOUNTABLE.  NOW!!!!  That is very important to me.  That is one of the main issues which caused Anjelica's loss.
There needs to be ACCOUNTABILITY for these judges.  Public Hearings, Transparency in the Courts.  You fail - YOU GO!!
I am going to present my research on each of these issues to my legislatures.  I am going to file all the appropriate complaints.  I am seeking justice for my children..  I fight for them - ALL THREE - even though they walked out on me.  A dad's job is NEVER DONE!!     

Frustrating, cause I guess I am the only one who cares about REAL justice for Anjelica.  Ya, her mom and her sisters and her friends and family want whoever they think the killer is, put in jail, but what about all that done against her before that??  She was led to believe he was an ok guy.  He wasn't.  What could I do?  I tried.  Courts rejected me.  He was even allowed to adopt her with that criminal record that was so bad he was labeled a CAREER ARMED CRIMINAL.  Yet he's good enough to take full custody and adopt MY daughter, changing her name, her entire identity.  And I'm supposed to sit back and just say ok?  I got NOBODY in my life lifting a finger to do ONE DAM THING to set things right.  Judge Joseph P. Massey and Guardian ad Litem Charles Johnson and Federal Probation Officer Tomas Ramirez are all government officials that sat on their hands and erred on the side of Wesley Hadsell, while this child needed a father - the father that raised and loved her.  Now even the crime stories circulating call this rat her father.  My own flesh and blood daughters have turned against me.  They should be helping me.  True justice and truth matter more than loyalty to their friends, who have long since walked away.  They ones they chose over me.  With a lot of help from their mother's wicked lying tongue.  So am I the bad guy NOW, cause I am angry and hurt and publicly state their mom has a wicked lying tongue?  Of course I am.  Everything is and always has been my fault.  I didn't talk negative about their mother before all of this.  Yet they were VERY aware that I was a household curseword at their mom's house.  The hatred was evident and spilling out at the seams from that home.  Why?  Because I took her to court when her boyfriend from prison moved in with my daughters.  I was made to look like the bad guy then too.  Finally my girls just believe it.  But I kept my cool during that time.  I didn't spout off about how horrible their mother was or even how horrible Wes was.  I didn't tell them all about his criminal record in an effor to undermine them.  No.  After the court hearings were over and stupid Judge Massey changed my custody of Anjelica from 50% to ZERO time, I just sucked it up and I even asked rat face Hadsell if he wanted to do some landscaping work for me.  I did work at their house for cheap.  I built their fence.  I wanted to be close to them and see  how my precious daughter was doing that I didn't see no more and who didn't talk to me.  But you might ask - REALLY Mr. Hoffer, why did the esteemed Judge Massey take away your time with your daughter??  Surely you are a pile of garbage that doesn't deserve to be a dad...  Ok, well, I maintained 50/50 custody of my other two daughters.  The courts granted me 50/50 of all three of the girls 5 years earlier.  So it wasn't a legal issue and it wasn't an issue of me being a bad father.  It was ONLY based off of Anjelica's choice.  And she made that choice under duress, emotionally manipulated by a high anxiety woman who has no clue how to protect my daughters from this world.  That is MY job, and that has been taken from me, from a foolish woman, whom the courts have supported throughout.  Foolish woman.  Foolish courts.  Foolish world.  I choose God.  Jehovah God.  I choose truth.  This world is engulfed in lies.  It can't tell lies from truth.  There is only ONE KING that I serve.  ONE KINGDOM that I am part of.  This world is unjust and justice will only be complete by God.  I could never do any better than Him.  But I am a servant, and as Job said, 'better that my arm be torn off at the joint, than I fail to represent the fatherless child in the courts'.  Anjelica died as a fatherless child.  That precious gift was torn from her.  As it was from me and countless other children.  SO OFTEN by a woman and the courts that back her up.  FACT.  End of story.  #justice4anjelica

9.24.17  -  Such a desperation to right the wrongs.  But in reality, who does it matter to?  I joined a movement online, composed of other parents wronged by the system and by the other parent.  They all want to change the way things are done.  I followed them and was active in all their groups.  I did 3 interviews.  I researched the facts.  I thought of solutions.  I made a website.  I made the best protest sign.  I wanted to honor each of those children by holding their faces up high....   But, when it's all said and done, people are too busy and too hurt to care.  I went to a march and rally in DC.  I left right before the march.  Something wasn't right.  People were off.  I invested a lot of time in that 'movement'.  Now I have to step away from that group.  I shut down my facebook.  I will pursue it in a different way.  I don't want to bring dishonor to the memory of those children, and especially my own children, namely Anjelica.  I am going to do a few more things.  Then I can move on.  It's been almost a year since I talked to my girls.  I already went down this long and lonely path after Anjelica left.  It breaks my heart.  It crushes me.  I am only human.  I desire love and I want purpose.  My children were my love and my purpose.  That was robbed.  Everything in life has been robbed.  All I have is beautiful solitude.  I will try to keep that gift.  I will try to keep peace.  But not at the price of truth.  Truth is most important.  It sets me apart from the rest of this world.  So I will follow that path.  Truth is offensive to people.  Truth is an annoyance.  It presses against their fragile make-believe worlds.  In actuality, most of this world is lies.  Whether our relationships, or what we are trying to get.  Nothing is as it seems.  The truth is underneath.  That is where I dwell.  There is peace there.  It is lonely here but it is absolute.  I sleep well.  I am not fearful, except for the well-being of others.  I do not fear death.  In fact I welcome it.  So many of my loved ones have crossed the threshold.  I cannot back away from her calling, when she does.  I will cherish this life until then.  
To be more specific, an example of truth could be a statistic.  If 1700 children are murdered each year, then that is a truth, right?  You can't take away that FACT.  But if 80% of them are murdered by caretakers, then the truth can be tweeked by the definition of 'caretaker'.  Is the mother's boyfriend a 'caretaker'?  
Or if 22% of children are killed by "Mother and Father" together, then that can be misunderstood if a boyfriend of the mother is classified as 'Father'.  But the only way we can help these children is to know the TRUTH.  Each of their stories needs looked at.  Each one of those children hold REAL truth.  Their story needs told.  For instance, Alexis Stubbs, who was murdered by her mother's boyfriend in Chicago, in June of this year cried at the very end of her life, "Please daddy stop."  But just because she was calling this man daddy, does not mean he was anything close to being daddy.  In FACT, her biological father was dead, and his family had tried to get Alexis away from the mother, because they were concerned for the lifestyle the mother had, which had resulted in getting her other children taken away.  So how was this murder classified?  By "Father"?  By "other"?  Only 3% of children are classified as murdered by the "Boyfriend of the Mother", yet that is highly inaccurate.  Was this man considered a 'boyfriend'?  Was he considered a 'live-in partner'?  The answer could be yes or no to those questions.  He had just gotten out of his half-way house.  Where was he staying?  Why was he fighting with the mom?  The TRUTH is that he had just served three years for strangling the mother.  She had known him for about a year prior to that.  So how is this classified, so that we can better serve the children in the future, by learning?  In our hearts, we know that the mother was weak by allowing this man into their lives.  She did not act to protect her daughter.  Why?  Did he force his way in?  Or was she in such a desperate condition, that she would allow him into her life, and into her heart, despite the obvious danger?  What made her that desperate?  Lust?  Something deeper?  Why didn't she have the force within her that should have sought to protect and provide for her child?  What went wrong?  She was undoubtedly hurt time and again.  This tainted her view.  When were her choices her own, and when was she making them without any strength to resist?  Do our choices that we make or our own volition, change the entire course of our life?  In other words, if we are presented with the option to get away and to do something better, and we ignore that option out of temporary selfishness, then that is our own fault, but what of the next choice which is when the man, who you let into your life decides to choke you and then out of some fear, you allow him back into your life and then he murders your child.  Who is held accountable?  Is the grizzled dog the only accountable one, or is it the owner, who beat it, starved it, and let it off its leash and into the room with the child?  There is so much to truth.  It is very deep, and our hearts change its perception, but in REALITY, the truth often comes to conscience.  So, only the person knows the truth and even they don't really know, only something deep in them knows.  But what is that deep thing, and who regulates that?  The only answer can be GOD.  The creator.  The one that our conscience is connected to.  The one who really knows truth.  In fact, the ONLY one who really knows truth.  So to understand fully, we must submit to this higher power, and let its truth run in our veins.  It does not mean that we will then KNOW all truth.  No, we are still human and taint HIS truth with our own reality.  We desire for certain things to be true, so we will insist on them, despite the REALITY.  And yes there is a reality.  The REALITY is that I raised all three of my daughters with all that I had.  I loved them intently and with purpose.  I cherished every moment we had.  Of course sometimes I yelled at them or corrected them or told them to do work that they didn't want to do.  Sometimes I disagreed with them and sometimes I pulled away from them or was forceful with them.  That is the job of a father and the nuances of relationships.  It is never perfect.  The FACT is that I loved them and was involved in every part of their life that I could be.  I taught them at every opportunity that I could.  I reveled in their accomplishments and encouraged them constantly.  I provided for them and sacrificed for them.  I was the dad I never had.  Yet, the lie has won.  A completely fictitious story has prevailed, backed up by tweeked facts.  For instance, the TRUTH of my filing charges against their mother for providing alcohol to minors in front of my children, especially after their sister had just been murdered by an unknown person, who could have been among those people - the TRUTH is that I LOVE my daughters SO MUCH, and want to protect them from the very stupidity, and foolishness, and EVIL that killed their sister.  The truth is I was supposed to pick them up that day but nobody was answering texts, or emails, or phone calls.  I was worried, because this had already happened before.  It was the day of their sister's funeral.  What could be going on?  How are they having their fragile minds warped now?  After many hours, I finally got a text back from Gracie.  But then she stopped.  So I went there.  I think it was just before 11p.  Of course, EVERYTHING is verifiable.  I heard the laughter in the back yard.  What was going on?  So I looked over the fence and I saw the bonfire.  I saw people drinking and laughing.  I saw their mother burning her husband's clothes, and I heard Gracie say, "can I do it mommy, can I do it?"  The depth of the depravity there is more than I wanted my children to experience.  I took out my phone and filmed it.  I watched for a few minutes.  The REASON was TRUTH.  Their mother had continuously lied and covered up the reality that she was exposing my children to.  She is a liar.  She can't help it I guess.  So after so many lies, and to the point that a child had been murdered, then the TRUTH needs exposed.  Lies branched out of that.  My children believed them.  I was the bad guy.  I was stalking their mother.  Well, you can call it what you want.  For those hours, I was watching.  Stalking is an incessant thing, which I had NOT done.  This was the ONLY occasion that I did this, despite the danger my children had been in for the years prior.  Well, I take that back.  One time in 2005, I went to her window just after she had moved out of our home and while we were still married.  I need to know if she was cheating.  Well I cannot unsee what I saw that night.  The truth is not always easy.  And some truths are better left alone.  Maybe that was one.  And in fact, I don't want to know things about ugly people any more.  I just want to protect people.  But maybe the truth is more than we can handle.  Maybe things are better left to the creator....  

8.9.17
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANJELICA MARIE HOFFER.  
She would be 21 today.  It's been exactly 8 years ago that she started staying at her mother's full time.  That was a turning point.  If only she wasn't tricked into rejecting me and my family.  How would things be today?
I wrote a letter to the newspaper today.  I would like them to publish the back story of Anjelica's passing, not just everything that happens with Wesley Hadsell.  So far the news won't do anything with the backstory.  I think that is very important to bringing mistakes to light so that others can learn.

I wrote a couple things on Facebook today.

Facebook post Aug. 9, 2017 12 noon:

Happy Birthday Anjelica. You should be 21 today. You were tricked into leaving your daddy's home eight years ago today. My heart broke when you did that but it has crushed me and many people since you were savagely taken away March 2, 2015.

Today I am still pushing for justice and truth for you but it is so slow. Is keeps getting delayed and pushed aside by our cold heartless system. Soon people will forget, if they haven't already. I won't forget.

Anjelica, you were tricked into trusting the wrong people. You found out how wrong they were. I am trying to make people more aware of the people in their children's lives because there are so many children that have gone through what you went through and even worse.

I love you Jelly. I miss you every day.

Daddy.
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Facebook post Aug. 9, 2017 11p

ANJELICA MARIE HOFFER
She's a trip. Kid didn't know how to quit. I couldn't get her to ditch her homework. She threw a softball harder than me. She worked through pain like a logger but complained afterward like the girl she was. She pushed her little sisters to be their best. She had climbing skills of a monkey. Fearless. She was a beautiful dork. Feet weren't ticklish but I think her knees made up for it, or would it be her ribs? The cutest little kid with the most expressive face that told a story. You knew she thought you were ridiculous by the way she tilted her head or put her hands on her hips and looked at ya. She had super power strength but was a total wuss. She was a lot more than her mom's mini me. She was once daddy's girl. She was my helper with the other two and she took care of me if I was down and out. We read countless books together and learned so much and would have learned so much more together. She was the kinda smart that makes me a total dummy and I get pretty good grades and have college degrees and even taught high school science. She was just intuitive. Loved to organize stuff. Which worked cause I hated folding laundry and especially matching socks. Sometimes she couldn't stop talking and sometimes she just watched. Either way she never stopped watching. Always observing and processing. Quick like her mom. And never afraid of trying again after failing. Failing was just one step closer to success for her. Sometimes she was my biggest fan and sometimes she was very leary of me, but that's most people with me. That kid was a trooper for putting up with me. When she was a toddler I thought I was gonna make her the next Serena Williams. As the new guy on the block, I thought my main job was to give her the tools to be the best she could be. I was tough on her. But eventually love took over, and little by little I realized how much more important the love we share is, than our accomplishments. She had both - a big heart and lots of accomplishments already in her short 18 years. She was top of the class from kindergarten to college. But she cherished her little sisters and I know she loved me very much, regardless of whether I deserved it. It's a shame that we lost 5 years that I was really looking forward to spending with her, but nobody can take away the 13 plus years we spent making so many memories. Maybe it's ok she didn't get to be a worn out cynical grown up. I can't imagine her old anyway. She was gonna be forever young anyway. God has this. I don't know how, but he's got to have this...

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LETTER TO VIRGINIA PILOT NEWSPAPER - Johnathan Edwards
August 9, 11:35a

Mr. Edwards,

Yet again the system is failing my children...  

Wesley Hadsell has delayed the Rape and Kidnapping trial in Ohio yet again and is now asking for a November trial.  According to documents, it was Virginia police who convinced Ohio prosecutors to try Hadsell for this 2005 crime.  So we first waited for the federal charges to clear, and now we wait for the Ohio charges to clear.  Now that he has a private attorney, it may take years to complete the Ohio trial.  It will undoubtedly take years to complete the trial in Virginia and get to the truth of what happened to Anjelica.

Why should a father trust a system that continues to fail to protect his children when he can't?
Wesley Hadsell got out of prison February 17, 2010.  He met Jennifer Busby-Hadsell April 9, 2010.  Two weeks later, he moved into the home with the three young girls.  On May 12, Wesley and Jennifer were married.  On May 21 Wesley, Jennifer, and Anjelica went to Tennessee for a week to stay with his family, under protest from me - the father.

YET...

A PROBATION DEPARTMENT (Tomas Ramirez) never took a minute to inform me of Wesley Hadsell's presence and record.  They refused to testify (after being subpoenaed) in the custody dispute as to Wesley Hadsell's history.

An incompetent and apathetic FAMILY COURT dismissed and disrespected my concerns for my children's well-being in 2010.

The step-parent ADOPTION COURT allowed a man who has been deemed a career armed criminal and has spent more time as a teen and adult IN prison then OUT OF prison and who could not even be a father to his own son - to adopt a 15 year old girl that he met two years prior.  The court required only ONE thing - the signature of a man that Anjelica had met ONCE.  Her name was Anjelica Hoffer until she was 16 years old, yet the courts took no time to examine the family dynamics in order to do what is best for the child.

The PRESS refuses to cover the 'back story' of Anjelica Marie Hoffer (aka AJ Hadsell), so that society can learn from this tragedy that is turning into a distant memory.
As of now, I have not seen my 14 year old and 16 year old daughters in 10 months.  I am supposed to have them every Thursday and every other weekend. They live 3 miles away and do not respond to my texts, phone calls, letters, or visits.  

My children were straight A students and attended nearly every day of school, but now they are doing very poor in school and still hanging around unsavory people.

The system that is meant to protect children actually fights against me for trying to protect them and be in their lives.  Even the school principal took sides with the mother and bullied me away from being at the school for my youngest daughter. 

The children have not seen a counselor (except for a few visits as a direct request of the court).  They are free to do as they please and be around whom they please.  Their father has been pushed out of their lives, despite the clear consequences.
 
In April 2015, just prior to the third custody dispute, I brought charges against their mother for providing alcohol to teens and contributing to the delinquency of a minor - with my 13 & 15 year olds present.  Despite clear video tape evidence and two witnesses, those charges were dismissed - by Judge Lyn Simmons, the same judge who handled our custody case.  

During the custody case, I explained that Mrs. Hadsell allowed two 18-year old men (Collin Saunders and Andres Barr) to live with her and my children in their small home from March 2015 until July 2015.  The judge did not respond.

Drew Hadsell, Wesley's brother/nephew and best friend, lived with Jennifer and the girls from July until October 2015.  He had an active Child Abuse warrant at the time.  The Guardian ad Litem DID respond to my concern about Drew and advised the court to enforce ZERO contact with him.  Judge Lyn Simmons did NOTHING.

The Guardian ad Litem (Ashton Pully) was ridiculously biased and reported lies as fact.  He is not educated in family matters and had his license revoked for 8 years as a result of fraud convictions.  
Similar kind of GAL  (Charles Johnson) at 2010 custody dispute where Anjelica was given FULL TIME to Mr. and Mrs. Hadsell, while giving me, ZERO visitation.  This after 5 years of equal custody as a single father and over 7 years married to her mother as the father. 

The result of the 2015-16 custody case was, similar to the 2010-11 case, in that the children were given what they desired, less time with restrictive dad and more time with the 'looser' mother. Lies and false accusations held more weight than truth and what's best for the children.

I have discovered that these Family Courts are wreaking havoc in many family's lives here in Norfolk and beyond.  Despite concerned family pleading with the courts, children are being abused and murdered by the mothers' romantic partners at an alarming rate.  For every child
murdered, probably 500 are being abused.

I have written letters to the governor and other representatives asking for their action.  There are simple and inexpensive and non-controversial steps that can and must be taken.
I have posted some of my efforts, including a gallery of children murdered by the romantic partners of the mothers and a letter to the governor on the website, www.AnjelicaMarie.com

Today is Anjelica's birthday.  She should have been 21.  I believe she was manipulated and deceived and groomed into imminent trouble, which resulted in her death.  I believe things could have been done that could have saved her.  I believe having a true father in her life would have made a difference.

Mr. Edwards - judging by your lack of response to my speaking with you, you are part of a large part of this country who believes fathers are relatively unimportant and even disposable.  I, and many others, believe otherwise.

Maybe you feel, as my children's mother does, and many people do, that I should 'butt out' and 'mind my own business' and that Anjelica was only a 'step child', so no concern of mine.  I have spent the last several days sifting through pictures and videos, too numerous to count, in an effort to create a jump drive of memories for my girls.  Regardless of what anyone thinks or even if Anjelica herself was convinced otherwise, I am Anjelica's father.  I am the ONLY one who fought to protect her over and over again.  I raised her and loved her.  Anjelica was never considered anything less than my daughter.  I have extensive proof of that in legal documents, pictures, school documents, etc.  "Anjelica Hoffer" is in parenthesis on her Facebook page.  She grew up as my daughter and as Anjelica Hoffer.  Can that just be erased??

Fathers are important.  In fact they are equally as important as mothers.  Why has the system made it so difficult for fathers to protect their children and be in their lives?

Fatherless homes create catastrophe.

- 24.7 million children are living without real fathers in the home.
- 39% of students 1-12 live in fatherless homes.
- 71% of high school drop outs come from fatherless homes.
- 71% of pregnant teenagers have no father in the home.
- 85% of children with behavior disorders come from fatherless homes.
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children - fatherless.
- 63% of youth suicides..
- 85% of incarcerated youth....

(http://www.fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-extent-of-fatherlessness/)
"Learn to do good, seek justice, correct the oppressor and defend the rights of the FATHERLESS CHILD." - Isaiah 1:17

"The form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after the FATHERLESS CHILD and widows in their tribulation, and to keep oneself without spot from the world."  - James 1:27

"If I have raised my hand against the FATHERLESS, knowing that I had influence in court, then let my arm fall from the shoulder, let it be broken off at the joint."  - Job 31:21

8.1.17

It's not fun researching all these children that have been murdered by the romantic partner of a single mother.  I know this is only one segment of the population of children murdered.  And I know for every child whose life is actually taken, there are probably 500 or so that are being abused that we don't get to read about in the paper.

This takes up a lot of time and it is very depressing.  I read into the stories and get to know the people involved, sometimes by actually reaching out and talking to family or friends.  I continue to reach out to organizations and people involved with similar situations.  Not many people reach back.  It's a very difficult topic, but God has put it on my plate, and I cannot ignore it.  My best option is to TRY to do something.  I have been talking to people and expressing my ideas for change.  I am working through my own emotions and so my voice is not as steady as I would like.  But I'm getting there.

I found out the other day that Wesley Hadsell's trial for a 2005 rape and kidnapping in Ohio, may get moved to November.  It has gotten moved several times and I am waiting for that to finish in order to find out what Virginia may do.  I just want this to be over.   I want truth and justice for Anjelica.  I want to be able to talk about everything freely without worrying about any games that man is playing.  Most of all I want to be able to move forward with helping that NEXT CHILD.  Once this case is complete, then maybe people will listen.

I have still felt blessed though, as I breath and pray.  I also realize that it is not my place to judge or seek vengeance.  I only want us all to learn from the mistakes that have been made.  I am more angry at the system for allowing this to happen and for ignoring me, than at the broken individuals who made bad choices.  

7.13.17

So, for some reason, people that know more than me think that I need to tone down my words.  "Don't make yourself look crazy".  Well, the situation is crazy.  I am not crazy.  I did not create this situation.  I will tone things down just to ensure that I don't get in the way of progress, but the truth speaks for itself.  I am only a messenger.  The facts are the facts.  Today I began a letter writing campaign to representatives.  I am making my grievances known.  What they choose to do about it is on them.  I will try to inform people about how serious we need to take this.  And then that's all that I can do.  I don't know how much more serious it can get.

Job 31:21-22
"If I have raised my hand against the fatherless,
knowing that I had influence in court,
then let my arm fall from the shoulder,
let it be broken off at the joint."

I will do the will of my creator.  You choose what you want to do.  The bible clearly tells us to look after the fatherless.  Seek justice.  Love.  Obey His word.  I will do that.

Joshua 24:15
"Now if it seems bad to you to serve Jehovah,
choose for yourselves today whom you will serve,
whether the gods that your forefathers served on the other side of the River
or the gods of the Amʹorites in whose land you are dwelling.
But as for me and my household, we will serve Jehovah."

*A special message to those who defend the lying pathetic weasel who can only pick on those weaker than him, and who makes children fatherless with lies, and who kills out of selfish desire to please his pathetic self:

Deuteronomy 27:19
"Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the FATHERLESS ..."

Anjelica was made to be fatherless, by the lying, manipulating tongues of destructive people.  One man took advantage of that situation and he will not escape justice.  And those that defend him are on the wrong side of justice.  I guarantee TRUE justice will prevail.  I would not want to be on the wrong side of that.

Started by digging into the book of Job.  Learned about justice.  Such burning questions.  The same asked by Job.  Why?  Why do the righteous suffer, and the wicked prevail?  The young Elihu enlightens us.  We are ALL worthy of 'the pit', of severe punishment, because we are all far from perfect.  Yet we are spared.  We are so lucky to have been created and breathed life into, by the ALL mighty God - Jehovah.

I made a video to connect with people.  Facebook has a certain high energy vibe.  A lot of positive.  A lot of negative.  I wanted to bring my own vibe.  Just reality.  Humility.  I find strength in a couple things right now.  The truth of God's word, drawing me closer to relationship with Him.  Anjelica's fighting spirit.  And hope.  Hope that my girls with wake up soon and not be traumatized by the onslaught of emotional abuse that has been waged against them.

I ended the day learning about broken parents teaching their children to hate the other parent.  Dr. Craig Childress was on "Mommy Interrupted".  It is amazing how much of a movement this is.  Over 12,000 people watched that episode already.  Amazing.  Sad, because most of them have tragic stories.  But how blessed to know I am not alone.  I am not crazy.  How many years I went.  If only I knew this before. 

I only press into this because I feel the energy of my three daughter's love.  I have received so much from them.  So unconditional.  So I use that strength to forge on.

It's been 8 months since I laid my eyes on Justice Rae-Ann, and only one time in those 8 months did I get to see Gracie-Lynn.  And really the time before that was very strained since their sister passed.  Even somewhat before, as Justice was pulling away.  Why must there be this strain on them?   

6.10.17

"I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me and the cost is more than I can bear" - warrior Benjamin Martin said at the bed of his son, fallen in war.  His fellow soldier nearby, says, "Stay the course".  To which Ben admits, "I have run my course"... ("The Patriot)

Ben goes on to fight.  And the story is not over, but deep inside, he knows that HIS story IS over.  It is now a greater good for which he fights.  The hate has been lanced from his gaping wound.  He is only a force, no longer a man.

I do not know where MY story goes from here, but my wound is gaping and every day I must lance the hate from it, for it fills again and again, threatening to finally take me once and for all.

I will fight the only way I know how.  I am fighting with Anjelica's spirit.  Her kindness and generosity, and fierce devotion to those she loved.  I am not her, but I know her and I know what she would do.  She would try to protect other children...  and so it is.

Please learn from this fiery little beautiful warrior.  Forge on.